Breaking News or Breaking Wind?

I'm trying to get a job at FFN (Fox Faux News), you know, writing imaginary theories to sputter, spin and shout.  For instance:  The unfortunate Andreas Lubitz and even more unfortunate passengers tragedy.  Luftansa is patching together some cockamamie story about Lubitz's sad love liffe, bad eyesight and mental depression.

 

To that, I say "Rubbish."  Folks with half a brain  (most FFN personnel  qualify) know this must be an act of terror.  Undoubtedly, a ring of international pilots, men secretly serving radical Islam, has been organized.  My sources believe the Malaysia pilot who skillfully dumped his craft (unlikely to be found in my lifetime) in deepest depths of the Indian Ocean and the pilot of the Nederlands flight supposedly shot down were in cahoots with Lubitz.  Furthermore, they are part of a terrorist group, IPSI, International Pilots Suiciding for "the I-word".

 

Unfortunately, we can expect more of these dastardly acts until Obama is out of officeTed Cruz, or some of his brethern, will show IPSI a thing or two after they abolish the IRS and Obamacare.  They're gonna use the funds, instead, to pass out free Ouzis.  That's right.  An ouzi in every home!  Scare the bejeesus out of IPSI.  Let 'em know we're gonna track 'em down! 

 

How'm I doing so far?  Do you think FFN will buy it?  My sources?  Since when is that necessary to FFN?  My spin and imagination are good as the next guy's.  In just occurred to me that "Breaking News" at Fox Faux News is a lot like breaking wind.  I'm pretty good at that, too. 

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