In the Slow Lane

Obama, Paltrow, Whoopi, and Pitt

Here in the slow lane, we take tobacco pretty seriously.  You might not've guessed, but this is real country and we grow crops.  Demon tobacco is the main cash crop.  It's hard to grow, demands lots of TLC, but the return is good.  Keeps folks out of the poor house.  Still it's a demon to your health.  

 

I'm pretty sure you know this, but tobacco can be smoked or chewed.  Don't think anyone injects it into the body, but I suppose some would welcome the convenience.  Here farmers grow both types, but most grow the chewing kind, aka smokeless tobacco.  It brings more money.  Simple as that.

 

Ironically, smokeless tobacco is not really smokeless.  I mean the stuff smolders in a tall tobacco barn fired by sawdust or wood slabs for about 10 days.  Yep, the country is hazy in the fall, but it smells good.  Still, I'd never touch it to my lips.  Though the receiving warehouse is nearly as antiseptic as some operating rooms, if you knew what goes on that stuff in the field!  Not to mention it's natural toxins!

 

President Obama is a former user of the cigaret, as is Gweneth Paltrow, Whoopi, and Brad Pitt.  (Kate sucks the e-cigaret, a subject of which I know nothing.)  Surprisingly the media that rhymes with lox (fishy), has not seized upon this.  Nor has  Mitch McConnell.  Could not kicking the habit be seen as a liberal plot to undermine income of Kentucky farmers giving them less with which to buy more guns?  Fortunately, pro ballplayers show no inclination to give up the chaw.

 

Incidentally, research into celebrities who have kicked the habit was frightening.  Not because the photos were scarry, but because I didn't know most of them from Adam.  Well, it's not called the slow lane for nothing. 

 

    

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