In the Slow Lane

First Class in the Friendly Skies

Hey, I'm worth it!  Checking in, clicked the "Upgrade Available" button in a heartbeat.  Of course I'm a first class person, but budget and conscience usually won't go along. 


Did it make a difference?  You must be kidding.  My long body, not to mention wide beam, just don't fit those midget-model size seats jammed into planes these days.  I'm so old I remember plenty of leg and bottom space, always a tolerable meal, free luggage up to a  point.  The overheads were empty.  You got dolled up because air travel - totally first class.


The difference?  I whisked through baggage check, checking not one, but two raggedy little bags for free.  I carried on only myself.  Bright orange "Priority" tags made my shabby luggage all the easier to grab off the carousel which, at my final destination, is actually a straight line roller that does not roll; you drag your luggage off any way you can.  


Anyhow, I whisked through security like a government official or something, boarded the plane immediately following infants and the infirm.   A flight attendant fawned and asked if I wanted something to drink before take-off.  Had that pasted on smile down pat.  Smiled with his eyes, but looked sad when no one was looking.


Breakfast is served, a real meal, not just six nuts of questionable heritage and age.  It looked wonderful: omelet, potatoes, sausage, fresh fruit, yogurt, etc.  Wouldn't you know I was stricken with the Washington State Tap Dance and couldn't eat much.  Still I had First Class privileges close to the facilities.  And you ask if it made a difference.


Alas, the Slow Lane commuter from Chicago knows no class distinction.  My seat to the rear was in the midst of the Biker/Redneck section.  They were, however, polite and sleepy.  My seatmate didn't slop all over me.  These guys neither smelled bad nor made made them.  On a commuter, that's first class!     



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