In the Slow Lane

An "interview" with Dr. Phil

Using the old six degrees of separation priciple, I'm pretty sure I could snag an interview with Dr. Phil.  Lady, are you nuts?  Sometimes, yes, I am. 


Let's get started.  Don't get your knickers in a twist, Phil.  I have a few questions for you.  I know it's not fair to judge people on hearsay and gossip.  Well, your mama did somethin' right. 


Listen, Phil...  That's Dr. Phil to you. Uh, okay, Dr. Phil.  I just read The Making of Dr. PhilMy God, woman, where have you been for the past nine years?  Well, I live in the slow lane, you know.  Don't whine.  I want a straight answer.  The truth is, I don't watch your show.  You seem too much like Maury and Jerry Springer.  What!  You don't know a sow's ear from the hind end of a dog.  Hey, watch it, Baldy.  What, somebody get this idiot out of here....NOW!


Won't work, Phil.  You're on my page so let's get real.  What makes you so verbally abusive to your staff?  Maybe your domineering old dad?  Now just a minute.  My daddy  made me the man I am today.  He knew when to kick butt.  Hmmm....yes.


Well, the way I see it you, your second wife, and son Jay, have the same belligerant, know-it-all attitude.  You folks know no boundaries.  Hey, Lady, when you're on my turf, you dance to my fiddler.  Er, yes.  That would seem to be the case.


Now, Doc...  Don't call me that.  It sounds like a dog's name.  Uh, yes.  If the dog barks...  Cut that out.  You can't light a match to my kerosene lamp.


Shut up!  We're on my page.  Hell we are!  Listen, I agree you are charismatic, smart, an astute analyst, a savvy entrepeneur.  Damn straight.  But the whole enchilada has too much cheese.  What?  Do you know who you're talking to?


I do, Doc.  Now get the hell off my page.


PS  Be back on line in ten days or so. 




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