IN THE SLOW LANE

Why would Norwegians immigrate to US?

Oh, I know, Norwegians want a leader that captures world attention every time the tiny mouth opens, the tiny hands flutter, and the tiny brain exposes itself to be roughly the size of a green pea..  The Norwegian leader may be just a little too bland.  [Now, I know it is childish, immature, not to mention rude, to poke fun of personal appearances.  But a national precedent and acceptance for this type of behavior has been promoted by Trump, himself.]  Yep, he's fat, lazy and ugly.  Did I mention he's dumb as a rock?   

But back to his welcoming invitation to Norwegians.  I believe the Prime Minister showed great restraint by not lauaghing in his face.   But, if there is some truth to Trump's idiot assumption that Norwegians want to come here, they maybe looking for excitement, you know life on the edge.  Never knowing what nonsense, what proclamation, will manifest on Twitter come morning.  Do Norwegians crave national embarrassment?   Oh, I know!  They are ready to give up free health care in exchange for life on the edge.  Also, there is also the matter of free higher education.  Everybody knows how exciting life is in the US living hand to mouth, paying off student loans for half your natural life..

Well, there is Trump's personal charisma that attracts people whose necks are often crimson.  His red MAGA hat was a stroke of genius:  red hat for rednecks.  These folks just love seeing an ignorant man in a suit talking trash, and some Norwegians might take to it, too. 

Nah, in Norway, life is good. 

Yet Another Fake Poll!

Tweet Storm Central! Barack Obama chosen most admired man in the US!  Man with cat on head, MWCOH, came in second and is demanding a recount.  In order to divert attention from this fake poll, he scolded China via twitter for selling oil to the other man with strange hair.  This seems dangerous and nervy considering China will soon be providing much of the financing for the US government.  But the Chinese, a patient folk, remain silent, rub their hands together in gleeful anticipaiton of financing MWCOH's tattersall government.  

Even more galling: Hillary was chosen the most admired woman!  This may change next year when the lovely Christmas photo of Melania is more widely circulated.  In case you missed it, it's a head shot of her wearing Santa Clause hat, one sultry eye closed in a mischievous wink, blowing a kiss to the world. Not sure if she's wearing anything besides the hat.  Head shot, you know.  No matter. Very seductive and sure to appeal to the base.

The House of Orange, formerly known as the White House, will be issuing a statement later denouncing this heinous fake poll.

 

      

No. 1 Banana Republic!

Did you get your MAGA little, red-hat Christmas tree ornament that POTUS is selling for a mere $149.00?  Me neither!  The Trump family hawks their tacky trinkets every chance they get. Not only that, the kids threaten people who make fun of Daddy.  Daddy threatens folks and statements that make him peckish.  

But, hey, four hours of Fox Pretend News keeps him informed, that is when he's forced to keep his abundant buns off the golf course. Fox, kind of a trusted aide, helps him with executive lies, decisions, and propaganda when he has trouble coming up with them himself.  Helps with his early morning dystopic attacks and tweets, too.  Everybody knows it's always darkest before dawn. 

Yes, I suspect the president, clad in sleazy Hugh Hefner bathrobe,with a dead cat on his head, tweets lies in those scary dark-thirty hours with tiny little mouth aquiver, pausing to wave tiny little hands for emphasis.  Maybe wiggles in his chair and indelicately passes a little presidential gas.  

Folks, I have to say his decency is not in question.  He has none.  I tell you it's a surreal nightmare:  Americans possessing half a brain are mortified and depressed.  On the other hand, he is a fricking hero to his supporters.  These folks thumb their noses at authority--racists, misogynists, bullies, bigots--he encourages their evil ways. They love the lies and swallow them  hook, line and sinker.

I hate to say this, but Trump is rapidly transforming America.  Yes, indeed, not long till we will be The World's Largest Banana Republic.  Wonder how long till it dawns on his folks that Banana Republics ain't free or great.

 

MAD DOGS

These times are hard to fathom.  I mean shootings left and right in the US and still the gun lobby controls the day.  Our genital-grabbing president's election has unleashed a flood of sexism, racism and just about every no-good "ism" you can think of.  This stuff must've been lurking pretty close to the surface for it to break loose like a geyser.  Think of it!  Four months in, and the country has leapt backward at least 60 years and counting.  Who knew the ship of state could sail that damn fast in reverse!

Here in the slow lane, folks are feeling the effects of this nastiness.  Even those blind sided by the bully and marked the square beside his name.  Seems the local dogs are out of control.  Newspaper reports dog attacks on the rise.  "I had zero [dogbites] last year," reported the postmaster.  "This year I've had 4 incidents already."   [ Imagine what's gonna happen when the dog days of summer get here! ]

Hey, with any luck at all, maybe he will have self-impeached by then!

BEDBUGS INSTEAD OF BULLETS

Folks, I found a bit of humor in my local newspaper this morning.  Most difficult in these dark days of Trump.  Admittedly there's much humor surrounding this joke of a president, but I prefer him not to be the center of my universe.

But I digress. In Augusta, Maine, a disgruntled man waged all out war, his weapons:  bedbugs!  Yes, bedbugs.  Seems his apartment literally crawls with hundreds of the little buggers.  No help to be found.  The landlord's attitude:  "So?"  A local agency dealing with housing:  "Sorry."

The man refused to give up, took matters into his own hands. Fortunately, he is not a gun owner.  Instead, he armed himsellf with a cupful, yes a cupful, of bedbugs captured in his apartment.  Carrying his live "ammunition" into a local office that had turned him away, he let fly hundreds of bedbugs.  The office building will be fumigated.  No word about the man's apartment.

All in all I believe  BEDBUGS ARE BETTER THAN BULLETS! 

 

INTERNATIONAL FOOD WARS!

LOVING THIS:  Russia has a new ice cream bar, the OBAMKA, with a little biracial kid on the wrapper.  Cute little guy with a gold earring.

What's the propaganda?  (With Russia, there's always propaganda.) WE'RE GONNA ICE OBAMA. . .WE'RE GONNA EAT HIM ALIVE. . .OBAMA'S POWER MELTS AWAY?  Any number of evil hidden messages come to mind.

Okay, I hear you asking "WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY UNITED STATESIAN (I'm using this term so as not offend vast numbers sharing the continent) would I take to this Russian put-down?  

THINK ABOUT IT:  The next logical step is for the USA to call out Putin with a PUTIN TWINKIE or Putin Goober.  How about a PUTIN FUNKY MONKEY ice cream bar?  See what I mean?

Wouldn't an international FOOD WAR be safer and lots more fun than traditional warfare with its horrendous side affects? Not to mention cheaper. Think of funds freed up for education and feeding the hungry.  

Of course, certain nations would have to be warned against throwing sand.  GENEVA CONVENTIONS say:  FOOD ONLY!  

  

FACEBOOK AND THE SLOW LANE...a review

Ohmigosh!  A leopard changes its spots!  An old dog learns new tricks.  Yes, I have joined social media, Facebook to be exact, and it's really helping me to keep up with stuff here in the slow lane.

First of all, I can listen to the worst of campaign speeches and debates in little snippets without the bother of those annoying commercials.  Of course, there's always the "O'Reilly Factor-type" folks tapping in furiously little misspelled, snide, and often obscene remarks.  The secret: don't READ the comments, unless of course, you want to add your own little misspelled, snide, etc.

Second, I'm learning so much about myself.  Who'd have thought it possible at my advanced age?  I've learned my brain type (not addle-brained as I often suspected).  I've learned all my chakras are locked up or non-existent (even though I do not suffer from constipation).  I am at genius level on questionnaires desgined for adults of single digit IQ.  

I've also learned of good works, mostly media-ignored, going on 'round the planet   A man in the Netherlands actually makes a living gathering plastic from canaIs. Recycles and converts it to building material to build boats to gather more plastic, etc.  A refrigerator in an alley behind a restaurant in India stocked with leftover meals provides free food for the homeless. A church in Nashville, TN, allows the homeless to camp on its property.  

I no longer doubt that I've seen ghosts or a UFOs.  I can learn to speak DOG if ever I get one.

There's always a nifty little zen saying to brighten (or puzzle) my day, and a picture of the Dalai Lama doing his thing.  

There's old people jokes dealing with something besides deterioration of body and mind. Plenty of healthy eating sites that gurantee a life as long as Methusaleh's.

Best of all, my grandkids post a whole lot of selfies and pictures of their kids.  I know what my kissin' cousins are up to. And a few friends.

Now, I gotta tell you I'm not into collecting hundreds and thousands of friends.  A few dozen will do me nicely.  A couple of old men have hit on my page, but Ha!  Friendship DENIED.

If you're not a nut, and you ignore Kardashians and their ilk, social media is a good place.  (But, hey, don't stay there all day.)

   

THRIVE!

Have you seen the movie, THRIVE?  The long version?  An unusual documentary film, two hours long available on You-tube.  My, oh my, this film shook loose lots of stuff.  CAUTION:  It is a bit of a woo-woo movie, you know, UFO's, sacred geometry,  world order.  Do not scoff unless you've watched it.  It's well documented.

AND SCARRY..... at first.  The picture it paints, gloomy, a place I've been living for awhile.  Seems my rantings about corruption, corporate greed, etc. are, indeed, right on.  But it's worse than I suspected.  I fathomed only the lower tiers of the situation.

But in the end it is HOPEFUL.  It has stirred my beliefs, brought them into question.  I no longer feel helpless and lost as we seem bent upon extinguishing our world.  One little act of resistance or kindness tips the balance in the favor of CONSCIOUS evolution.  Individually, or en masse.  The internet is our tool.

But I over-simplify. Please take a look at this movie and JUDGE FOR YOURSELF.  It will amaze and perhaps offer you hope in a seemingly hopeless. world.

 

 

 

REDNECKS BEWARE......Donald will trump you!

I've seen many odious things written and said about Donald Trump and, sorry folks, I BELIEVE MOST THEM TO BE TRUE!   

This clown stormed the Kentucky caucus yesterday easily capturing the redneck vote.  But I'm here to warn my fellow rednecks to remember what happened the last time they listened to politicos THUMBING THEIR NOSES at the establishment.  I'm not talking Mitch McConnell here, though he's done a lot of shameful nose-thumbing at his President.  

No, I'm talking 150 years ago and that Great Nose Thumbing, delicately referred to as the War Between the States. Nothing to do with slavery, you know.  ALL ABOUT STATES RIGHTS. Ha!  It was a damn civil war about the right to own slaves.  Plantations would go broke if they had to "pay" for labor! Strange how it's always about the money.  

Most southerners owned no slaves, were hoodwinked into fighting for the rights of the few who did.  SOUND FAMILIAR?  The Donald and his ilk are tricking the redneck masses into thinking its about them when in fact, its about the rich and famous becoming even more incredibly rich at the expense of.......guess who, Johnny Reb, in a manner of speaking.

But what about the rednecks to be found in every state of the union?  DON'T THEY SMELL A RAT when the Donald is quoted as saying, "Everybody can make it.  My dad gave me a little loan of a million dollars......."  A LITTLE LOAN OF A MILLION DOLLARS?

IS HE CRAZY?  ARE WE ALL CRAZY?

 

        

HONK IF YOU LOVE THE DALAI LAMA

I've had this amazing realization.  Maybe a full blown epiphany!  [Fantastic when a thought creeps into consciousness that feels totally brand new?]  I've had this thing about religion for a long time.  Brought up to believe, did believe, still believe in a sloppy kind of way. 

Through the years, I've come to a religious tolerance.  I mean whether you love speaking in tongues or the pomp and circumstance of Catholicism, or any point between, I say go for it.  If you feel must cover your hair (no bad hair days), well, okay.  

But hey, forget elitism. (My way or no way is pure crap.) And for God's sake (however you think of Her) do no harm to others.  Helping folks with religious strings attached is nothing more than blackmail.  

What's the point?  The point is organized religion in the US, in rural US especially, is a SOCIAL CLUB.  A club in places where there's not much else going on and it can be very soothing.  

Living here in the rural south, I've always avoided church.  Tried a couple of times, but found it a place I did not want to be.  Couldn't bring myself to suck it up to make friends. Took awhile, but, what do you know, I found some.  Now I realize, my pretense would've been all right.  Hypocrisy?  That's  the American Way.

Incidentally, I'm thinking of getting a bumper sticker:  HONK IF YOU LOVE THE DALAI LAMA! 

      

 

Are We Going to the Dogs?

CAN THIS BE?  Local TV aired an urgent message a couple of days ago to dog owners.  Seems DOGGIE FLU is running rampant in the US!  2,000 (gasp!) dogs have reportedly been stricken.  The symptoms much the same as in human counterparts.  No mention made of the expected rise in absentism due to sick animals unable to be dropped off at doggie day care.  AND NO ASPIRIN PLEASE!

NATIONAL DOGGIE FUNERAL:  This item appeared on national TV. this very day. (Don't get me wrong, in the slow lane, we like dogs, especially our hounds.)  A brave, but unfortunate police dog, was shot and killed in the line of duty a few days ago.  A member of the K-nine corps, this animal saved his human partner's life.  Police officers from all over the nation flocked to his (Ohio) state funeral.  I mean he got a US flag, everything but a 21-gun salute.  

Meanwhile, the INCONSOLABLE OFFICER'S family tried in vain to comfort him.  The man actually said on national TV that he wished it had been him instead of his dog. WHAT?  The sadness was nearly too much for him to bear.  All the while surrounded by his, I'm assuming, loving family.  How SELFISH AND CHILDISH is that?

Sadly, BULLETS THESE DAYS often land closer than the dog house.  Take SANDY HOOK, for instance.  

 

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